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Golden pond (An old man talked about life)

Golden pond (An old man talked about life)

One day I gazed at the golden-tinged pond and heard someone say:
“What are you doing there?”
I didn’t notice that the voice was talking to me. “What are you doing there?” said someone again.
I looked back and found a strange old man who was wearing a blue jumper.
He seemed to be the type of person who spends a lot of time at racetracks.
“I am looking at birds”, said I with surprise.
“They are migratory birds. Do you know where they come from?”
“I don’t know.”
“From Russia.”
“Zoshigaya?”
“Russia. There is a river called Amur and it’s really cold out there
so they come flying here in winter. Do you know the river Amur?”
“Yes.”
“Where are you from?”
“Asakusa.”
The old man was dumbfounded. “What? Are you Japanese?”
I was stunned too. “I am Japanese.”
“Do you have a job?”
“Yes, I have a job.”
“Do you have today off?”
“Yes, I have today off.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Yes.”
“Married?”
“No.”
“Oh. Aren’t you gonna have a baby?”
“We don’t have enough money to rear a child.”
“But you should have a baby. Or you may have a difficult time when you get old.”
“I feel that.”
Then a strange old lady broke in.
“When will these lotus flowers bloom?”
“They’re all dead, you know, and will be sheared off in the days ahead.”
“When will they bloom?”
“It’s a long way off. Next summer.”
And they walked away as they talked, and went along a path through the golden pond.

That day the sky was blue and the sun was shining,
the old man stood with autumn colour and flying birds in his background
and I felt that in this dialogue there were everything about life of humankind.
The original text was spoken in Japanese,
and I would appreciate to have your pointing out my English mistake
because this translation may be unnatural and wrong writing,
the little nuances are lost …

Jan.3.08 I edited these text to correct the English mistakes. Thanks to Andrea for pointing out and teaching!!!

The original text is below:

大きな金色の池のふちに立って凝視していると背後から声がする。
「何してんの。」
自分に言ってると気づかずにいるとまた「何してんの。」と言う。
振り返ってみると、濃い青のジャンパーを着た、場外馬券場にいそうな型の
見知らぬじいさんが立っていた。
驚いて「鳥を見ているんです。」と言った。
「これは渡り鳥だよ。この鳥がどこから来たか知ってるか。」
「いや、知りません。」
「ロシアだよ。」
「雑司ヶ谷?」
「ロシアだよ。アムール川ってとこがあってな、寒いもんだから、
冬になるとここへやってくんのよ。知ってる?アムール川。」
「はあ、知っています。」
「彼女は国、どこ。」
「浅草です。」
じいさんは驚愕した。「なんだ、あんた日本人なの。」
自分もびっくりした。「日本人ですよ。」
「働いてんの。」
「働いてます。」
「今日は休みか。」
「今日は休みです。」
「彼氏はいんの。」
「います。」
「結婚してるのか。」
「していません。」
「そうか。赤ん坊は作らんのか。」
「貧乏なんで作れないんですよ。」
「子ども作れ。年とってから苦労するぞ。」
「そうですよね。」
見知らぬおばちゃんが乱入してきた。
「ここの蓮はいつ咲くの?」
「みんな枯れっちまってるよ、これはね、みんなこれから刈り取るんだよ。」
「いつ咲くの。」
「まだ咲かねえよ。来年の夏だよ。」
そのまま何やかや話し合いながら、二人とも池の中の道を歩いて行ってしまった。

Comments:6

Andrea 07-12-31 (月) 9:17

Your translation is good. There are a few little mistakes of grammar I can point out another time but it is not ‘unnatural’. English is a global language so, in a sense, there is no such thing as ‘unnatural’ English. がんばりました。

mayuko 07-12-31 (月) 20:43

You are right Andrea, maybe there will be no “unnatural” English anymore nowadays, as you say. Thank you for encouraging :-) I want to be good at English enough to sense various nuances of meaning…
I am lucky to have a reader who can read both English and Japanese like you. ありがとう!

Andrea 08-01-02 (水) 14:36

You should read a book or watch the DVD called The Adventure of English by Melvyn Bragg. He explains the nuances of meaning that come with the different ‘layers’ of English eg; Old English and Middle English etc. For example ’start’ is very old and all the old words have the basic everyday meaning, it’s like KUN-YOMI. But ‘commence’ is Middle English (after the Norman Conquest)so its nuance is a little different, like ON-YOMI. Also there are the NHK shows like the one with Onishi sensei; that show explains some good things.

admin 08-01-03 (木) 13:08

I’m grateful for your help and useful informations! I heard that 大西先生 at NHK got favorable responses. I’ll look for his book with CD first. It’s a little bit hard for me to read foreign books yet, but I will look for The adventure of English too, maybe the DVD could be helpful. Thank you very much!

08-02-19 (火) 22:18

散文でもない普通の文でもない
現実にあったことなのに夢のようで
不思議な雰囲気を感じました。
書かれた貴方もきっと、
ボヘミアンに見えたり生粋の日本人に見えたりするような
方なのやもしれませんね。 

この文章に添えられている切り絵から、昼間と夜の間の束の間の美しい時間
がイメージできて、素敵。

admin 08-02-20 (水) 23:20

鳥と枯れ蓮を見つつこのやりとりがあったのは、冬の16時くらいだったので、
それを絵から感じていただけたのはとてもうれしいです。ありがとうございます!

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